Coasting or Growing?

Episode 41: Are you coasting right now? And if you are, is that genuinely what you want, or just what feels easiest?

This episode is about the difference between coasting and growing. Why one feels safer. What the other actually costs. And what to do when your brain tries to talk you out of the thing you most need to do.

In this episode, Career Change Coach Dana Stevens shares a personal story that helped her identify this friction in her own brain. And she shares some helpful perspectives to help you figure out what you really want right now.  

If you've been considering going all in on change or considering coaching and talking yourself out of it, this episode will be helpful.

Book a free Coaching Consultation:

https://calendly.com/danastevens/initial-coaching-chat

Connect with Dana:

Website: https://www.danastevens.com/workwithme
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dana_stevens_coach/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danastevens1/

If this episode resonated, follow The Career Change Studio and share it with someone who’s feeling stuck in their career.

And if you’re ready to design a working life that truly fits your needs and lifestyle, book a free consultation call at https://calendly.com/danastevens/initial-coaching-chat

Special thanks to @Lou_Greenaway_Music for the piano composition and performance.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Today, let's kick things off with a question. Are you coasting along in your life right now, or are you growing? And more importantly, if you're coasting, staying in your comfort zone, is that genuinely what you want? Or is it just what feels easiest right now? I want to talk about this because it's something I've been thinking about quite a lot recently because of something that happened to me a few weeks ago, which I'm going to tell you about. And I think there's some really interesting lessons from it that might help you if you've been thinking about moving forward and taking your life to the next stage. So after investing tens of thousands of pounds in coaching over the years, yes, tens of thousands of pounds, a few weeks ago I decided I was going to stop. I'm going to take a break, I'm not going to renew the coaching mastermind that I'm in for the next year. And then, within a matter of days, I had completely changed my mind, and I went all in and signed up for another full year of coaching. Now it was quite a dramatic reversal. So I was really looking at what went on in my brain, and I thought it'd be interesting to tell you what happened in between because what I noticed was going on in my brain was so useful for me to see. And it's something that comes up so regularly with people who are thinking about investing in coaching, in clients that I end up working with, in clients who I'm talking to, prospective clients. So I thought I'd tell you a little bit about it and see how it helps you. So I'm in a year-long coaching mastermind with other coaches from all over the world, and it includes training, group coaching, expert guidance, and a community of women all working towards similar goals. And it's specifically about growing my business and continuing to develop as a coach. And honestly, it's been genuinely transformative for me in so many ways. But as we were coming to the end of one year and into the start of the next, I began thinking about whether I was actually going to sign up again. And a part of me was thinking, ah, do you know what? I don't think I will. I think I'm going to take a break. I've had loads of transformation, loads of growth, grown so much, but maybe I'll just do the next bit on my own. Maybe I'm going to go at my own pace, not worry about goals and targets and what I am or not achieving. And I think honestly, I was tired. That was a part of it. And there is nothing wrong with needing some rest, but I was actually on a group call with my coach and I was listening to someone else getting coached. And suddenly, based on what they were talking about, I could see what was actually going on in my own head. I've been looking forward at the next stage of my business and all the things I want to do and how I want to grow it and create new things. And it was feeling like a lot, like it might be quite a bit of hard work, like it was gonna require significant effort and energy and push myself beyond where I currently am. And there was a part of me that was thinking, well, maybe I'll just ease off. Maybe I'll just take my foot off the gas a little, stay where I am for a while. And that was really what was underneath the I think I'll take a break thought. When I really looked into it, it wasn't genuine tiredness, physical tiredness that needed proper rest, but it was a kind of shrinking away from the effort of the next thing. And the moment that I understood that, I was like, aha, there it is. That's the set of thoughts my brain is currently offering me that making changes in the future is gonna be harder work than just staying in my comfort zone now. So even though I wasn't planning on getting coached in that session, I raised my hand and I got some coaching on it. And my own coach helped me see that I was stepping back from the temporary discomfort of growth. I was stepping back from the temporary discomfort of doing the next thing because part of me had decided or assumed it might be hard before I'd even tried it, before I had even started. And when my coach was asking me what I actually want, not what felt easiest right now, but what I genuinely want for my life and for my business, the answer was completely clear. I have things I want to build, things I haven't done yet, a bigger version of what I'm already doing that I can feel pulling at me, right? I don't want to just tread water, which was kind of what I was telling myself I was gonna do. I don't want to look back in a year's time and see myself in the same place because I took my foot off the gas when I was right on the edge of something. Now, if I'd decided that that's what I did want, I genuinely was happy to tread water, I would have let myself do that. But I got really honest with myself and focused on the fact that that isn't actually what I want. Could I move forward on my own? Yes, up to a point. But what I realized was that I don't want to. I love having a coach. I love having someone who can see where I'm getting in my own way when I'm too close to see it myself. I love having someone who believes in what is possible for me, even in the moments when I can't quite believe it myself. I love having someone on my side who's been there, done that, gone through the things I'm going through, and knows what I need to focus on next. And most of all, I really love the structure and the community and the expert guidance of people who are all moving towards the same thing. And I realized I almost let fear, playing small, temporary discomfort hold me back from my future self and what I want to create for my life and my business. So that's when I decided I'm signing back up again. I'm all in because it's what I actually really want. Now you might be thinking, but you're a coach. Surely you can just coach yourself. You know all the theory, you have all the tools, and yes, I do. And I do regularly self-coach, I do that very often, and I've qualified and been certified in multiple coaching methodologies. I've studied the neuroscience, I help clients with their mindset every day, and I'm good at it. But one of the hardest things in the world is to coach yourself objectively, to be able to see clearly where you're getting stuck and getting in your own way, to spot the patterns and the stories you're telling yourself, to notice when you're playing small or limiting yourself or stepping back from growth because you've decided ahead of time that something might be hard. You can't do that fully from the inside. You're often too close to it. The thoughts feel like facts, the stories feel like reality, and because you're inside your own thinking all the time, you can't see the shape of it in the way that someone else can. There's so much power in someone else holding up a mirror for you. Someone who's not inside your story, someone who can see where you're getting in your own way and reflect it back to you without believing the story you're telling yourself. Someone who can offer you a more useful perspective, who challenges you to think differently, who believes in you and what's possible for you, even when you've temporarily talked yourself out of it. This is why coaches have coaches. It's what's helped me change so much in my own life. And this is why I kept going when that part of me that wanted to coast nearly convinced me to stop. So if you are someone who's been hovering on the edge of investing in coaching and pulling back every time you get close, this might be helpful. What you're probably experiencing is your brain doing exactly what it's designed to do at a primitive level, which is keeping you safe in inverted commas, right? In terms of that brain's primitive programming, the simplest way to do that that it knows is to keep you in familiar territory, protecting you from the discomfort of change and effort and the uncertainty of whether it will work out. And your brain is really good at dressing this up as pragmatism, as responsibility, as a sensible amount of caution. Maybe now isn't the right time, maybe I should wait until things are more settled, maybe I can figure it out on my own, maybe where I am isn't so bad, really. These thoughts at the time can feel like wisdom. They feel like you're being careful and considered, but they're almost always your comfort zone talking, and that's usually focused on the right now, and not your actual judgment about what is right for you in the long term. Whenever you are on the cusp of doing something that matters, something that could genuinely move your life forward, your brain tends to get louder. The resistant arrives precisely because the thing has significance. If it didn't matter, if it wasn't going to change anything, your brain would be much quieter about it. So the fear itself, the resistance, the sudden sense that maybe you'll find where you are, that can actually be a signal worth paying attention to, not as a signal to stop, but a signal that you might be right on the edge of something important. For me, it was really useful to have my coach ask me to consider the cost of stepping back. And I was so grateful that she did because it really helped me make a decision I feel great about now. Because when you decide not to invest in coaching, it can feel like the safe option, like you're protecting yourself, like you're being responsible with your money and your energy. But what does the alternative actually look like? Another year of going round in circles on your own, another year of carrying the same questions, the same uncertainty, the same weight of a working life that is not quite right, and the sense that something needs to change, but you're not sure what or how. Another year of treading water when you want to be moving forwards, that isn't free. That has a cost in time, in energy, in the life that is not being lived while you're in the holding pattern. And here's the thing that my own experience taught me. What is actually hard is staying stuck. Wanting to be in momentum, wanting to be growing, moving forwards, and becoming the version of you that you can really feel pulling at you and then not doing it. Honestly, that is the hard thing. That's the thing that drains you. I want you to really think about how hard it feels now to be stuck, how much mental energy that takes to go round and round in circles, constantly thinking about what you should be doing, wishing things were different but not doing something about it. I know how that feels, and it can be genuinely exhausting. And the thing that you think might be difficult, if it's leading you towards where you actually want to go, is often energizing rather than draining. The effort feels different when it's going somewhere you've chosen to go, when it's building something that matters to you, when it's in service of your future self rather than just getting through the present one. That is what my coach helped me to remember that not going after what I want would end up draining my energy. It's its own kind of hard, and I know because I've been there before. And leaning into the help, support, and expertise that comes with the right coaching has energized me so many times in the past and it's made my life easier time and time again. Coaching helps move you forward rather than keeping you where you are. So something for you to consider is whether there's a voice somewhere inside you that is saying, Is there more? That this maybe isn't quite it, that you're capable of more than what you're currently doing or being or creating, that the life you want, the working life that actually fits you, is out there and you haven't found it yet. Now for you it might be a loud voice, something you hear all the time and keep finding reasons to ignore, or it might just be this little whisper, quieter now than it used to be, because you've been pushing it down for so long. Maybe it's tentative, but still there, still showing up at unexpected moments, still pointing you in a direction you've not allowed yourself to go in. That voice is worth listening to. I really believe it is. Not because it always knows exactly what's going to come next, not because it has the answers, but because it knows that where you are right now is not your whole story. And because ignoring it has a cost that's so easy to miss in the short term, but really hard to miss in the long term. What would it mean to you to actually listen to it, to take it seriously enough to get proper support for what it's pointing you towards, to stop waiting for the fear to go away, which it probably won't do before you start, and just begin anyway and learn how to move forwards with the fear. You don't have to have it all figured out before you start. You don't need to know exactly where you're going or how you're going to get there yet. You just have to decide that the voice is worth following, and that you would rather find out what's possible than spend another year wondering. So if you've been hovering, waiting, here's what I want to leave you with. The fear doesn't mean don't do it. In fact, the fear is showing up because it means exactly the opposite. It might mean that you are standing right on the edge of something that really matters to you. And you don't have to do this alone. You don't have to keep going round in circles, trying to figure things out on your own, trying to figure out what you want and how to get there. I know what it's like to be where you are, and I can help you get there so much more quickly and with so much less struggle than doing it by yourself. And the version of you that you're trying to become, the one who is doing work that fits their life, the one who's putting their life first, the one who's not dreading Monday mornings, who's actually using what she's capable of. She's not waiting on the other side of something impossible, merely waiting on the other side of a decision. So if you want to talk it through, come and have a free consultation with me. Bring the fear, bring the doubts, bring the I'm not sure if this is ever going to work for me. That's exactly what the conversation is for. The link to book a consultation is in the show notes, and I'm gonna see you next week. So thank you so much for listening. Bye for now.