Surround Yourself With Evidence of What's Possible

Episode 34:  One of the most practical and underrated things you can do when you are thinking about a career change is to deliberately surround yourself with evidence that another way of living and working is possible.  Not just for inspiration, but because seeing real people with real lives making real changes genuinely updates what your brain believes is available to you. 

In this episode you will learn:

• The specific places to find examples of people living and working differently, from podcasts and YouTube to real conversations over coffee
• What to notice as you gather evidence, and how to use what you find to start getting clearer on what you actually want

Connect with Dana:

Website: https://www.danastevens.com/workwithme
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dana_stevens_coach/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danastevens1/
Free Coaching Consultation: https://calendly.com/danastevens/initial-coaching-chat

If this episode resonated, follow The Career Change Studio and share it with someone who’s feeling stuck in their career.

And if you’re ready to design a working life that truly fits your needs and lifestyle, book a free clarity call at https://calendly.com/danastevens/initial-coaching-chat

Special thanks to @Lou_Greenaway_Music for the piano composition and performance.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, today I want to tell you about something that I used to do on my commute to work on the tube. I had a fairly long commute across London and I used to listen to this podcast called Conversations of Inspiration with Holly Tucker. Now I don't know if you've heard of her, but she set up not on the high street, and now she's got a new company called Holly Co. And every week she would talk to someone who had set up their own business or left a conventional career behind or found a completely different way of living and working than the standard nine to five. And I would sit on the tube in my office clothes, heading to a job that was increasingly not working for me, thinking, wow, wouldn't it be amazing to live and work differently? Wouldn't it be incredible to be one of these people? And I want to talk to you today about why that habit of regularly surrounding myself with stories of people doing things differently mattered so much more than I realized at the time. Because even though I didn't fully appreciate it, it was just one of the ways I was surrounding myself with examples of what was possible. And this is actually a really practical thing that you can do when you're thinking about making a change. It's not just about inspiration, although it is that too, but it's about evidence. And evidence, as I'm going to explain, changes what your brain believes is actually possible for you. So let me explain why surrounding yourself with examples of what's possible is not just a nice to have, not just a feel-good habit we can do, but something that actually changes how you think. When you've been living and working in the same way for a long time, your brain starts to treat that as the default, just the way things are, the way things have to be, not because you've consciously decided that, but because it's all you consistently see. And brains are pattern recognition machines. They take what they see most often and build a model of what's normal in inverted commas, of what's irrealistic, of what seems available to someone like you. So if everyone around you works in the same kind of job, in the same kind of way, your brain files that as the template, and anything that looks significantly different starts to feel unrealistic. Maybe pie in the sky, fine for other people, but not really something you could do. But here's what happens when you start regularly exposing yourself to stories of people who've done things differently. Your brain gets new data, new examples of what is normal, new templates of what is possible. And the more of those examples it sees, the more it starts to shift the model. The thing that feels unrealistic starts to feel less so, not because your circumstances have changed, but because your brain has updated its picture of what's actually available. That's not just inspiration, that's evidence and evidence that another way of living and working exists. Evidence that real people with real lives and real constraints have found it. And evidence, unlike inspiration, has staying power. It doesn't just make you feel good for an afternoon, it can genuinely shift what you believe is possible for you. And there's something else when you see someone who's recognizably like you doing something different, something specific happens. You stop thinking of it as something that belongs to other people, and you start thinking, why not me? That question, why not me, can be a really powerful thing that happens in your mind when you're thinking about change. And it almost always comes from seeing someone like you do the thing first. Let me tell you about a chapter of my own life that I think illustrates this really well. Before I had children, I really loved crafting and making things. There was a bit of a craft revival happening in London at the time, and I was really into it. I went to screen printing workshops, I picked up sewing again, which I'd done when I was younger, I bought a sewing machine to make curtains for our first flat, and I regularly bought crafting magazines and went to craft events and tried things like liner cut printing. I loved it all. And through that world I met people who were into it for the same reasons I was as a creative outlet, and others who were at that point actually making the leap and becoming artisan craftspeople, making money, changing careers, building businesses around things they made with their hands. And one of my friends moved out of London and started making these beautiful cushions, designing and screen printing them from her cottage, and it got me thinking, maybe I could sell things too. So I started making things, baby bibs, Christmas decorations, all sorts. I set up a little side hustle, mainly selling to friends and people like that. Now I want to be honest with you, looking back, some of the stuff I made wasn't actually particularly good. But you know what? It didn't really matter. Because it was more about me being willing to try something, being a beginner, seeing if it stuck, there was real joy in that, regardless of what came of it. And it would become important for me later on, right? And then I had children, and the hours at work got longer and I stopped having time to make things, but I carried on reading magazines and magazine articles and books about people doing what they loved and building businesses around it. And as podcasts really took off, I listened to more and more stories of people setting up their own things. The Holly Tucker podcast I mentioned at the start. Stories of people creating businesses and therefore lives that fitted how they wanted to live. Now at that point, I had no real idea that I ever could or would set up my own business. I knew that while I loved creating things, you know, the really truly original design side of it wasn't actually my strong point. I knew that. But I was so drawn to these stories, this idea of building something of your own, creating a working life that you designed rather than one that just happened to you. And when I eventually started really seriously considering retraining as a coach and setting up my own practice, of course the fear was there, right? Of course it was, could I really do this when no one I knew had done it? Who was I to think I could build my own thing? But the reality was I'd spent years filling my head with stories of real people doing exactly that, right? And I kept going back to that question, if they can do it, why not me? I knew from everything that I'd read and listened to that sometimes it worked out brilliant and sometimes it didn't, and sometimes it was way harder than people expected. Sometimes people were able to make money and sometimes they didn't. Sometimes they had to supplement what they wanted to do with other types of work. But I also knew how many of them described it, you know, starting something like this as one of the best decisions they'd ever made. Even if it didn't fully work out the way they expected, most of them talked about not wanting to live with the regret of never trying. And even if it didn't go to plan, they almost never wished they hadn't started or tried. That was the evidence that helped me take the leap. Not a guarantee, not a certainty, just enough real-world proof that another way was possible, and it was worth finding out if it was possible for me. And I want to say something specific about why seeing someone like you matters so much more than seeing someone exceptional. You know, you might be surrounded by stories of extraordinary people. I mean, the media is, right? The entrepreneur who builds a billion-pound business from scratch, the person who left everything behind and moved to the other side of the world, the high-profile career pivot that makes the news. And these stories can be inspiring in a way, but they can also feel completely disconnected from your reality because those people aren't always like you. Their circumstances are different, their resources are different, their risk tolerance could be different. And what often actually shifts something is seeing someone recognizably ordinary to it, someone with the kids, someone with a mortgage, someone with responsibilities, someone with fears just like yours. Someone who's not exceptional, who doesn't have a safety net or a famous contact or a lucky break, who just decided they were going to try something different, figured out how to make it work for their actual life, and gave it a go. Because when you see that person, something happens that does not happen when you see the exceptional story. You think she is like me, and if she could do it, why not me? That is permission, real permission, and it's one of the most valuable things you can give yourself when you're trying to build the belief that change is possible for someone in your specific situation. So I'd like to encourage you not just to look for those big inspirational stories, look for the ordinary ones. The person who makes a sideways move into something new, the woman in her forties who retrained, the friend of a friend who set up something small and it quietly changed the whole way that they're working and living. Those stories are everywhere once you start looking for them. But if they're not obvious to you, where do you actually find these examples? Let me give you some ideas. Start with people already in your life or in your extended network. Is there anyone you know? Might be a friend of a friend, might be quite distant in your life, in your network, but has anyone you know made a change? Have they moved into an area you're curious about, or built a working life that looks different from the conventional path? If so, reach out, buy them a coffee, ask them about it, ask to have a phone call. I know it might feel awkward at the beginning, and there is something that makes us reluctant to approach people and say, I'm thinking about doing something like what you've done, can I ask you about it? But in my experience, the vast majority of people who've made a change are genuinely delighted to be asked. They're proud of what they've built or what they've done. They want to talk about it, and they almost always remember what it felt like to be where you are now, uncertain and curious and not quite sure if it was possible. They will not think you're strange for asking. They'll probably be really glad you did. So if there is someone in your life like that, don't talk yourself out of reaching out. Just send the message. Keep it simple and honest, something like, I've been thinking about making a change in my career and I know you've done something similar. I'd love to hear more about your experience over a coffee sometime. That's all it needs to be. And if you don't know anyone in your immediate circle, go wider. LinkedIn is genuinely useful for this, not for scrolling through job adverts. You've heard me warn against that before, until you're ready. But for finding people who work in areas you're curious about and reading about their journeys. Many people share their career story quite openly. And podcasts can be a great resource as well. Find podcasts featuring people who are doing the kind of work or living the kind of life that you're curious about. Podcasts about specific industries or specific ways of working or specific lifestyles. Listen to them on your commute, on your walks, whenever you have time, doing your cleaning, whatever. Let those stories become a regular part of what your brain is taking in. You could always go online and search for day-in-the-life videos of people doing jobs or running businesses you're interested in. These are often really honest and more detailed than any kind of formal article or interview might be. Real people showing you what their actual working day looks like. You can read books or magazines or blogs. There's an enormous amount of content out there from people who have changed careers. Read widely, not just about the specific direction you think you want to go, but about different ways of living and working more broadly. And there are loads of meetups and events as well. If there's an industry or area that you're curious about, look for events, talks, networking evenings, workshops. Go along, even if you're going to feel like an outsider, you'll meet people who are doing the things you're curious about, and those real human connections are worth more than any amount of online research. The key is to be intentional about it, not passive. Really seek out those examples. Make it a deliberate part of your week. Because the more you can consistently fill your mind with evidence of what's possible, the more your brain updates its model of what is available to someone like you. I want to say something about what to actually do with all that that you find, because it's not just about a habit that makes you feel good, it's also about making it useful. As you start surrounding yourself with these examples, notice what lands with you. Not just what looks impressive or sounds successful, but what actually resonates. What makes you think, yes, something about that appeals to me? What kind of working life keeps coming up as something you're drawn to? What values do you notice in the people whose stories you find most compelling? Because that noticing is really useful information. It's you starting to get clearer on what you actually want, often before you've consciously articulated it. And that is incredibly useful data to bring into the process of figuring out what your next chapter looks like. You might find a specific industry catching your attention, or a specific way of working, more autonomy, more direct impact, more creativity, more flexibility, or a specific kind of life that certain careers seem to enable. All of that is worth paying attention to and maybe writing down if that's helpful. And if at some point that evidence gathering starts to produce a real question, something like I keep being drawn to stories about people who work in this area, could that be something for me that is really valuable? So just start this kind of exploration. Start without having a destination in mind. Start now, start this week. Because this evidence gathering isn't something you do once you have a direction. It can be one of the things that help you find a direction in the first place. So here's something I want to offer you that you could do this week, just one thing. You could find one example of someone living or working differently in a way that appeals to you. Just one. It could be a podcast episode, it could be a YouTube video, it could be a book, a magazine article, a LinkedIn post, or a conversation with someone you already know. Just one piece of evidence that another way of living and working is possible. And then notice. Notice what it does to you. Notice whether it makes you feel even slightly more open to the idea that another life is possible for you too. Notice whether it makes you ask, why not me? And if you want help figuring out what that other life for yourself could actually look like, that's exactly the kind of conversations I have in free consultations with people. So bring examples of things that are speaking to you if you've got them, or you can come to a consultation with no idea at all, that's completely fine. You'll find the link to book a consultation in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening. I'll see you next week. Bye for now.