Is It the Job, the Menopause, or Both?

Episode 29: Navigating perimenopause or menopause while also trying to figure out what to do with your career is something that Career Change Coach Dana Stevens experiences regularly with her clients. And yet it is rarely talked about.  In this episode Dana talks about the brain fog, the anxiety, the rage, the confidence erosion, the feeling of not quite recognising yourself anymore, and how all of that intersects with the already significant question of what to do next in your career.  And she explains specifically why a structured process with the right support does not add to the overwhelm of this time, it significantly reduces it.

In this episode you will learn:

• Why perimenopause and career uncertainty so often arrive together, and why that is not a coincidence
• The identity shift that perimenopause brings, and why it carries genuinely useful information about what you want next
• How the mindset tools in coaching specifically address the confidence erosion and thought patterns this stage of life can bring
• Why this time of life is not the end of your potential for meaningful change but, for many women, the beginning of the most honest chapter of their career yet

If you are experiencing symptoms of perimenopause or menopause, please speak to your GP or a healthcare professional for medical support.

At the start of the episode Dana also mentions her group coaching programme 'The Life-First Career Accelerator', for more info and to join the waiting list just click here to visit her website.

Connect with Dana:

Website: https://www.danastevens.com/workwithme
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dana_stevens_coach/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/danastevens1/
Free Coaching Consultation: https://calendly.com/danastevens/initial-coaching-chat

If this episode resonated, follow The Career Change Studio and share it with someone who’s feeling stuck in their career.

And if you’re ready to design a working life that truly fits your needs and lifestyle, book a free clarity call at https://calendly.com/danastevens/initial-coaching-chat

Special thanks to @Lou_Greenaway_Music for the piano composition and performance.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Hello and how are you today? Today we're going to be talking about the menopause or the perimenopause and how it can be impacting you and your working life and how it impacts career change if that's something you're thinking about. But before we jump into that today, I just wanted to mention that my group coaching program has just finished. I had a lovely group of women who I've been working with since January, and it's been so amazing to see how much they've grown and changed in such a short space of time. And they've really been able to shift their ideas of what's possible for them. And so much has opened up in terms of options and opportunities, things that they wouldn't have imagined at the beginning of the process. And the live call section of the program has finished, but they still have access to all the videos and resources for another three months. But the reason I'm telling you about that is because some of you have been asking me when the next one is going to open, because I was talking about maybe doing one in spring, but I've decided to wait until September for the next one. And what's been so lovely about this group of people working together is that they've gained clarity and confidence in themselves by sharing with each other, and they've really learned so much from each other and been able to get fresh perspectives on their challenges. That's the beauty of the group coaching. So it isn't starting yet until September. There will only be 10 places. So if you do want to get on the waiting list to find out when it opens for enrollment, I'll put the link in the show notes, or you can DM me or email me, whatever works for you. So let's jump into today's topic: menopause or perimenopause, because I predominantly work with women in midlife. This comes up so much with the women that I work with. And although there has been many more conversations about menopause in general, in the media and maybe between friends, I haven't really heard people talking about how it connects to career change and specifically what it's like to be navigating both of those things at the same time as trying to figure out what you want to do with your career. So if this is where you are right now, this episode is for you. So many of my clients are women in their 40s and 50s who are dealing with everything that this stage of life brings, physically, emotionally, hormonally, and who are also trying to work out what they want their career to look like and whether they can carry on in the career they have, or both. So I know this can feel really overwhelming and often really isolating, but I do want to remind you that you are not alone in this. And the fact that it feels complicated and sometimes pretty much impossible does not mean that it actually is. And before I go any further, actually, I should probably just say something important. I am not a medical professional, I'm a career change coach, and I'm not here to give you medical advice about perimenopause or menopause. And if you have been experiencing symptoms that are affecting your quality of life and you haven't yet spoken to a doctor, I would really encourage you to do that. There is support available. You don't have to just push through. And even if you have spoken to a doctor and maybe they're not taking your symptoms seriously or you're not being heard, I would implore you to get a second opinion, a third opinion, or however many you need to get, but to get listened to, right? I've got friends, um, family members who haven't been listened to first time, but you know, if they've pushed for the help when they have got what they needed, it has been a real game changer for them. So don't struggle on quietly, even if you've been dismissed initially, right? And I could go on a massive, huge rant about that, but I won't. I will try to stay focused. But all I would say is that you know your body, and if things are totally off, keep pushing for the help that you want. Okay. It's a shame that we even have to keep doing that, and I wish the system was different, you know. But sometimes you might get the help that you need first off, and that's brilliant too. But anyway, what I am here to talk about today is the career and mindset side of all of this. How many edit, how perimenopause and menopause intersect with career uncertainty, how the symptoms can make the process of thinking about change feel even more overwhelming in very specific ways. And why, far from being the reason to put the career question on hold, this time of your life can actually be the most powerful starting point for a change that really fits who you are now. So let's get into it. One of the, I guess, loneliest things about this kind of experience is how hard it can be to explain to people who don't understand. Whether that's people that haven't gone through it or maybe your partner, right? There's the brain fog. The feeling that the sharpness and clarity you once took for granted has become unreliable. Words that used to come easily that you just don't remember anymore, or that they disappear. Thoughts that you had a moment ago have just gone. Concentration that used to be effortless now requires real effort and sometimes just isn't even available. And for women who have built careers on their intelligence and their capability, that particular symptom can feel pretty terrifying. And then there's the anxiety, often arriving without an obvious cause, a low harm of worry that's always there, or maybe sudden waves of it that feel disproportionate to whatever actually triggered them. The sense of feeling on edge in a way that doesn't feel like you anymore, of reacting to things more intensely than you want to, of lying awake at three in the morning running through scenarios and problems that your brain refuses to let go of. And then there's the rage. And I use that word deliberately because I think, because some people call it irritability, but really it feels like rage. This fury that arrives fast and hard and sometimes frightens you with its intensity. Maybe at work, maybe at home with your partner or your kids. Things that wouldn't have touched you in that way suddenly create this spark of fury. And then on top of that, we end up with the guilt and confusion about where that came from and whether it means something about us as a person. And then there's the physical symptoms, the hot flushes that arrive at the worst possible moment in a meeting, on a call, in a presentation, that leave you red-faced and self-conscious and wondering if anyone noticed. Sleep disruption that means you arrive at work already exhausted before the day has begun. The physical changes that affect how you feel in your own body, and often how confident you feel. And underneath all of it, for so many women is this persistent erosion of confidence, this gradual chipping away, this sense that you're not quite the person that you were. This feeling that you can't trust yourself in the way you once did, that you don't always recognize yourself in your reactions, and that uncertainty about yourself bleeds into uncertainty about your work and your future and your capacity to make good decisions about any of it. So if any of that sounds familiar, I want you to know that what you're experiencing is real. It's recognized. It doesn't mean that you are falling apart, but it means that you are going through something significant. And it deserves to be recognized properly rather than pushed down and managed in silence. This isn't about things being a personal failing or you getting stuff wrong or you not being able to cope, you're not losing your edge. This is a significant life transition and it deserves to be taken seriously. So, how does all this intersect with career? Because there are a few different ways it can show up. For some women, perimenopause is the thing that's made them seriously question a career that maybe they'd previously not had major problems with. The symptoms are affecting their ability to perform in the way they expect of themselves. The brain fog is making a cognitively demanding job feel even more exhausting than it used to. The anxiety is making high-pressure situations harder to navigate. The erosion of confidence is making them doubt their judgment in ways that feel unfamiliar. And they find themselves wondering, is this still the right job for me? Or am I just struggling because what is happening to my body right now? And that is genuinely a hard question to sit with, but it deserves a genuinely honest answer rather than an assumption in either direction. For other women, the career dissatisfaction was already there. They've known for a while that they want something different, but perimenopause has landed on top of it and made everything feel more urgent or more overwhelming at the same time. The anxiety has made the career question feel enormous. The brain fog has made the idea of a structured decision-making process feel completely out of reach. The exhaustion has made change feel like something other people do. People with more energy, more capacity, more mental bandwidth than they currently have. And for some other women, it's genuinely both. They're not sure how much them not liking their career is about the job and how much is about how they're feeling. They can't separate the two. And that ambiguity is its own kind of exhausting, right? And whatever your version of this is, I want to reassure you that all of these experiences are valid, and importantly, none of them are permanent. None of them mean that the career question has to wait until this chapter is over. Because for many women, waiting for this chapter to be over before doing anything isn't a strategy, it's a reason that keeps you stuck for longer than necessary. So whether perimenopause has created the career question or intensified one that you already had, it doesn't have to stand in the way of making a meaningful change. In fact, with the right support, this time can be a really powerful starting point. The thing is, I know that when you're in the middle of the harder symptoms and you're in survival mode, it can be really difficult to see perimenopause for something useful. But it is a time of identity shift. A genuine, significant, sometimes disorientating shift, but a shift nonetheless in how you relate to yourself, what you value, what you will and won't put up with, what actually matters to you. And while that shift can feel frightening when you're in the middle of it, it's also worth paying attention to. A lot of women I work with describe something that happens during this time. A reduced tolerance for things that don't fit anymore, a clarity about what you're no longer willing to compromise on, a stronger and sometimes quite surprising sense of what they actually want, as opposed to what they've always done or other people expect of them, getting rid of things that aren't essential and really focusing on the things that are. This is really useful information, really valuable information about who you are now, as opposed to who you were 10, 15, 20 years ago. And information like that used well can be a powerful starting point for career change. The challenge is that when the brain fog is heavy and the anxiety is loud and the confidence has taken a hit, it's very hard to access that information clearly. The signal is there, but the noise is making it harder to hear. And that is exactly where a structured process and the right support can make an enormous difference by creating the conditions so that you can listen to what it is that you really want. And I want to offer a reframe that I share with many of the women I work with. Perimenopause for all its difficulty can be the moment that stops you from continuing on autopilot. The moment that forces you to actually look at your life and ask whether it fits who you are now. And that question, uncomfortable as it can be to sit with, is the right question. It's the question that meaningful career change is built on. So while the identity shift of perimenopause sometimes can feel like a loss, it also carries important information about who you're becoming. And that information can be such a useful starting point for a career change. I want to talk about why having a structured process is particularly helpful during this time. Brain fog is much harder to navigate alone than with a structure that does some of the heavy lifting for you, right? When you're trying to think about your career options from scratch with no framework, the number of possible directions and considerations is enormous. And an overwhelmed brain struggling with fog does not get clearer with more options. It gets more paralyzed. But when you have a structured process that breaks the thinking down into stages that helps you see what to focus on right now and what to set aside for later, that gives you a sequence rather than a massive pile of things, right? And that cognitive load becomes more manageable. You don't have to hold everything in your head at once. Process I do with my clients, the life first career process, that holds it for you. Anxiety makes the career question feel enormous, but the career question only feels enormous when it's looked at as a whole. When you break it into specific, manageable questions that you work through one at a time, the enormousness shrinks, and you're not trying to figure out the rest of your working life in one go. I'll help you answer one question each week, each session. That's a very different thing. You know, and for someone carrying significant anxiety, that difference, us working through small, achievable questions and realizations and decisions together, that difference really matters. The confidence erosion that perimenopause can bring is one of the things that the mindset work in my coaching is specifically designed to address, not in a superficial, positive thinking way, but in a really practical, pragmatic, grounded way. Learning to identify the thoughts that are driving the lack of confidence and to work through them rather than being controlled by them. Learning to see your own experience and skills and achievements through a different lens than the one you might currently be using if your confidence is low. This is about building more stable and accurate sense of who you are and what you're capable of, not based on how you're feeling on a given day, but on what is actually true about you. And the accountability and support that comes with working with me means that on the days when you can't find the momentum yourself, you're not alone with it. I can hold the thread of your progress. I can remember what you said last week and the weeks before, and what you said you were going to do and what you're finding difficult, and I can keep you moving forward even when moving forward feels hard. And that continuity, that sense of being supported in a process rather than having to generate everything from within yourself is something that so many women at this stage of life describe as genuinely transformative. I want to finish by offering you a thought that you can try on, right? What if this isn't all about the end of something? What if this is actually really about the beginning of something, the beginning of your next chapter? And look, I know that can be hard to hear sometimes when you're right in the middle of it, when the brain frog is thick and the confidence is low and the anxiety feels loud and the question of what to do with your career feels like one more enormous thing to carry on top of everything else. And I promise you I'm not dismissing that. It is real and it's hard and it deserves to be taken seriously. But I've seen so many women come out on the other side of this period with a clarity about themselves and what they want that they just didn't have before, a stronger sense of their own values, a reduced willingness to spend time and energy on work that doesn't fit, a more honest relationship with what they actually need from their working life, a permission to design something that really works for the person they are now rather than the person they were expected to be. Perimenopause strips away a lot. It strips away the ability to run an adrenaline and push through and perform regardless of how you feel. It strips away the tolerance for things and people that don't fit, right? And it strips away some of the people pleasing and the going along with things and the pretending that everything's fine when it really isn't. And while that stripping away sometimes feels genuinely painful, what it leaves is often something quite real, a clear signal about what really matters to you and what doesn't, a clearer picture of who you actually are. And that, if you use it well, can be an extraordinary foundation for a career change. And the women I've worked with who are going through perimenopause while also navigating career change didn't have an easier journey than anyone else, but they often had a very honest one because they didn't have the energy to pretend or to talk themselves into things that weren't right. They knew what they wanted and needed more clearly than they had done in years. Even if they couldn't always articulate it. And that clarity, channelled through a structured process with the right support, produced some of the most meaningful changes I've seen. So if you're going through perimenopause or menopause and also trying to figure out your career, I can help, right? You're in the middle of something significant and real, and that doesn't have to stop you from making a meaningful change. In fact, with the right support, it can be the thing that makes the change more meaningful than it might otherwise have been. And I just want to say one more time: if you are experiencing symptoms that are affecting your quality of life and you haven't spoken to a doctor yet, please do. There is medical support available and you do deserve to access it. The work I do is not a substitute for that, but it can be something that runs alongside it. Getting support for the symptoms and getting support for the career and mindset side, they're not in competition. They work together, both matter. And if you want to have a conversation about where you are and what might be possible, a free consultation call is the right place to start. You don't need to have your thoughts in order, you don't need to be feeling better than you do right now, you just need to be willing to have an honest conversation. And the link to do that is in the show notes. And if this episode has resonated with you, please do share it with someone else who might need to hear it. There are a lot of women out there carrying this quietly, and sometimes knowing that someone else understands is the thing that starts to change everything. That's it for this week. Thank you so much for listening. Bye for now.